A Prank From Across the Void

     "For a moment, Doc, I actually thought it was over. Usually, there's a tingle that I sometimes feel right before that brain jolt of electricity hits a muscle group, but it wasn't there this time. So, I exhaled and let my body drop. Then, my left arm flew across the front of my body and slammed into my ribcage. A little later, a muscle group in my abdominals caused me to collapse like a cheap folding chair. I have to tell you trying to go to sleep when this happens is hell. I took Ambien for years to get to sleep as fast as possible and never had any of these kinds of jerks. But, since I've decided to let that addiction go along with the many others I enjoyed, getting to sleep has really been a challenge. Every time I quit Ambien it was like I'd forgotten how to go to sleep. By the way, I've quit two times before. This was the third. The usual withdrawal for me is two nights of mild terror waiting for sleep to happen until I pass out from exhaustion. Eventually, I find I can go to sleep without that crutch and I'm okay. But, now, I'm getting these jerks that rock me pretty hard. My left arm beats my chest and I do these crunches when my stomach gets into the act. It's been going on for weeks. Do you think it's from not taking Ambien?"
     The doctor looked at me a little more dryly than I would like, dismissed my question and said, "It's called Hypnogogic Myoclonus or Hypnic Jerking. It's a mild involuntary twitch which occurs just as a person is beginning to fall asleep, often causing them to awaken suddenly for a moment."
     "Fall asleep for a moment? How is that possible? I'm awake during the whole stinking event. And, it's a little more than mild. My whole left side of my body convulses!"
     The doctor went on still a little peeved at my outburst, "You are sleeping when it happens. You just don't know you're asleep. It happens too fast for you to realize you've actually 'fallen' asleep. Your body thinks it's falling and it jerks as a defense. If you lose sleep because you constantly jerk awake, you will become fatigued and may develop anxiety or worry about falling asleep. The more worried and tired you are, the more likely you are to jerk awake. The more you jerk awake, the more sleep you lose. Look, I understand your frustration in this and it affects more than just your sleep patterns. It can also affect your heart beat and rhythm. In your case, after hearing your heart I think you should see a cardiologist. Your heart is beating way too fast."
     "Can you prescribe something to help me here?" and the little addict in my head screamed Ambien, Ambien!
     The doctor pulled his prescription pad out of his lab coat pocket and scribbled something on the paper.   "Here is a scrip for a muscle relaxer. This should help."
     At that point all I could think about was how Ambien had been such a reliable friend for so many years and how much I'm starting to miss it. My insurance company began to get nervous with my nightly dose and decided it was time for me to stop. They said there are alternatives and I could certainly try them with their help, but they just don't have the same punch. With Ambien it's like you can step right off the edge of awake and aware and then into a sound asleep oblivion. Still, I had to wonder if all those years of knock me out sleep left me as some sort of neurological waste land. My wife seems to think so and is more than happy that I've stopped taking it. Every addiction I've had I've said I was doing this for myself when I quit. Despite the security in sleep it provided it was the right thing to do. I had that junkie-like state of mind when it came to how much I had, where it was in my drawer; when was I going to be able to buy more and would the insurance company continue to harass me about it? My mind was at peace, but my body was looking for something to keep it quiet.
     I drove home thinking about what the doctor had said trying to convince myself that it was nothing serious. I sat in my favorite chair watching television dreading every time the schoolhouse clock on the wall struck an hour. My fate was seemingly locked in the bong of the coiled bell that announced each hour, then half hour, then hour. I was getting closer to my nightly fight with sleep and I had very few weapons left in my quiver as the countdown progressed. I knew what I wanted since all the old feelings had been stirred up. Of course, I hadn't thought of pushing the issue at the doctor's office. I remembered had I started fooling around with it a little too much. Like, seeing how long I would last before I fell asleep mid-stride. Another annoyance that brought a great deal of pleasure was hunger. I would crave peanut butter, jelly, and Velveeta cheese sandwiches with a big glass of milk to the point where I had gained another 10 pounds. It had to go. It was either give them up or face the fact that my pants weren't shrinking in the closet. My wife had been on my case and then my insurance company decided they would authorize 15 a month. All I could think was, "Dude! You're either on it or you're not. There is no half way." So, I quit.
     I was keyed up and growing more restless. Television offered little in the way of entertainment and the scheduled game was blacked out. Bed time was creeping in and I started to psych myself into thinking I could get past these jerks and maybe get some sleep. Deep breaths centering below the belly button, tongue of the pallet ridge in the mouth, and remembering whatever that was troubling me was something I could handle in the morning. I tried all the tricks and they seemed to be working. I yawned and started sneaking into bed like a thief crawling through the rear window of a house. I would insert myself into this land of sleep and never be caught. The only way I would be caught by the morning light was to ignore its approach. The alarm was set for 5AM.
     I slipped under the covers lying on my back. It was quiet with only the white noise hum of a small fan offering a bit of diversion from the soft-silent sounds of the house. My mind traveled down my legs to see if there was any of that uncertain feeling I get when they start to twitch. There was nothing there. It might be one of those where my body decides to let me sleep. I turned over to my left side, my favorite go to sleep position and I exhaled deeply, my left arm at rest by my face. Then my hand jumped. It opened and closed quickly. Then, my forearm began to jump. It was starting. My left shoulder kicked off with a spasm and I slapped my arm across my chest. This occurred about twenty more times until my left hip decided to join in with the fun. I double up like I was doing crunches so quickly it snapped my neck into thinking I was rear-ended in a car accident. I wondered how I could explain that to a Chiropractor. His bill to my insurance company would generate a form letter asking if I had been injured in a car accident. "No, I did while trying to go to sleep." Nice try. Claim denied.
     Two and half hours later the violence in my bed ceased and I began to feel at peace in my exhaustion when I fell asleep into a deep chasm of rest and slumber. It was a dreamless sleep interrupted only by the sound of my clock radio going off at 5AM that brought me to awareness. I lay still thinking for a moment I could call the boss and feign sickness to recover from this spasmodic jerking plague of mine. I thought better of that tactic and threw off the covers. I made my way into the kitchen and poured a cold cup of Kona from my pot into my favorite mug. 90 seconds of nuking and my brew was ready to go. Don't get me wrong. I like the Keurig coffee maker as well as the next guy, but it's just a little too expensive for me to justify. I've been reheating coffee this way for years and it has never failed me. Satisfied with the burn of the first sip and headed back toward my desk and the computer.
     I opened my email and sifted through the usual links to humorous movies, politically charged articles and cute pictures of dogs sitting on some grumpy cat's face until I ran across an entry typed in Wingdings? What the hell? I dragged the file into my anti-virus program to see if it held any special sauce designed to take over my computer or wipe it clean, but it came up as normal. So, I opened it and couldn't read a thing. The only way to get around this was to make it a Word document where I could better translate this mystery message. After making the transfer I did a SELECT ALL and then transposed the Wingdings document into Ariel. It read:

Please forgive the intrusion. My name is Reige and I live in the same house as you, but in another place. You have read stories of parallel universes, I'm sure. In this instance, it is more than just theory. It is fact. Now before you think you are being misled I can share some things with you that will prove to you I am real. You've been experiencing some difficulty with your sleep. You theorize it has something to do with spasms that attack you while you are attempting to fall asleep. You call them "Hypnic jerks" which are related to a rapid heart rate, quickened breathing sometimes to the point feeling like you are being shocked and falling into a void. In a way, you are. I have a son, Blim, who loves to play a game you call "Operation." We have another name for it, but it really doesn't matter. What does matter is that Blim has gotten into one of my experiments and has entered your world through the gateway that is built into the game. In other words, just like in the "Operation" game there is a patient and to cure him you must remove game pieces from his body. You, in our universe, are the patient. In "Operation" if you touch the edge of the hole that houses the objective body part a buzzer sounds and you lose points. Somehow, Blim has found you and is using you as his patient. Those jerks you are feeling are from his poor attempts at retrieval of his game pieces. I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience this is causing you. I want you to know that you are not crazy. I have taken the game away from Blim and given him another toy to play with. Please forgive us. We did not mean to interfere with your life in any way. I promise you it will never happen again. You have my sincerest apologies in this matter.
Reige

     I sat back in my chair and pushed away from my computer. I reread the email several times over just to soak it all in. I typed up a few questions just to make sure I wasn't losing my mind and sent it back. My reply was returned as undeliverable. This has to be a joke of some sort. I picked up the phone and called a buddy of mine that knows more about computers and how they work more than anyone else. 
     "Hey, Tommy, it's me."
     "Hey, man, what's up?"
     "I got this email, today, and I need you to tell me where it came from. It doesn't make any sense to me."
     "What? Can't you read? You want me to read it to you, dawg?"
     "Naw, man, C'mon. I'm serious here, dude. Can you help?"
     "Sure. Send it over."
     "Thanks, man."
     "Sure. I'll get back to ya."
     Several days passed waiting for Tommy's findings. Thankfully, my sleep issues were quiet. I had no jerking and managed to string together several good nights of restful sleep. Then, Tommy called.
     "What the hell, dude? Where did you get this?"
     "I told you. It was sent to my email address a couple of days ago and it came in a Wingdings font."
     "Uh, did you say Wingdings? Who the hell writes in Wingdings?"
     "Well, did you find out where it came from?"
     "I searched through the email code that lives behind every send and checked out the server paths. I followed it through Chicago and then to a server farm in Las Cruces, New Mexico. From there it came from another farm near Minsk in Russia. It seems the source of it all came from a machine at an internet cafe in Hong Kong where it was first entered into the internet with an anonymous IP address. But, none of the code makes any sense and it looks like it's been parsed to make it through our TCPIP protocols to make it work. So, no, I can't really say where it came from."
     "Bummer."
     "Say, what's this all about, anyway?"
     "Ah, nothin' much. Just curious, ya know?"
     "Weird shit, man. Weird shit."
     "Yeah, I know. Well, hey, thanks. I owe you one."
     "OK, dude. Later."
     "Yeah. Bye."
     I hung up the phone and pondered this a little more. Then, I decided to get on with life. I slept well that night. In fact, I slept well in the following weeks and the rapid heart rate I had experienced had melted away along with the jerking. I felt so much better than I had in months. My fear and frustration with this Hynogogic Myoclonus became a bad memory of the past. Thank you, Reige, wherever you are.
      I just lay down. My stomach muscles just contracted so hard my knees almost hit my chin. My eyes flew open and I stared at the ceiling. I am really hating on this kid, Blim right about now.